So the The Joel comes to NYC...by himself!! So after the ceremonial reach-arounds and what nots, we decide to grab some dinner and what we thought were a good amount of beers to get the night started. Instead, The Joel has his two boys from high school over and between us and some other people that were over we quickly realized that we needed to hit a bar ASAP. So we head down in the pouring rain to a place i've never been to meet up with a friend. Ok...i'm making a really short story long, but its my first time writing to the blog in a awhile so I'm not feeling at the top of my literary game. Here is the gist of it:
We had ALOT of Patron that night...I had $96 in Patron shots alone on my tab, let alone the ones that Bowl got. Fortunately for me it was all part of a diabolical plan to get The Joel WASTED. After a couple shots of the good stuff we went upstairs to hangout with my friend and some of his girls there for a birthday party. I think we were up there a total of 10 min. before The Joel was up on a table grinding with some Latin hottie, which correct me if I'm wrong The Joel, but I believe you described her as the hottest dancer you've ever encountered?? She was into it to, but for some reason her friend was a hater and took her away. So we continued in our pursuit to drink as much patron as possible. When that bar shut down we hopped into a cab to continue drinking at the Bryant Park Hotel. The cellar bar was packed with even more hotties for The Joel to scope out.
On a side note, one of The Joel's friends (we shall call him "Gracie") claimed to be slapping skins with one of Moby's girlfriends, I really wouldn't know I'm going to believe him because I have no reason not to. Well my friend and I were walking past her old work building and she saw the security guard. He said he was working late for Moby's birthday party. Later that night my friend was talking to the supposed girlfriend of Moby when she mentioned the party and how she used to know one of his ex-girlfriends. Well thats when this girl flipped out, guess she didn't know that he "dated" her and she stormed out of the building. The next day I read something about how Moby's birthday ended early because someone pulled the fire alarm. Seeing that the Bryant Park Hotel and the building where Moby's party was taking place are about 500 ft away...well...you can put two and two together.
Back to the main story here...The Joel was going NUTS!! I mean this kid was grooving everywhere, with everyone (whether they wanted to or not) and doing it at an incredible rate. He finally slowed down and settled on some short little cutie. Bowl was pulling out all the stops...he showed her the robot, the chicken dance, his wi-fi supercomputer, etc. etc. He we getting jiggy on her...so after a couple minutes The Joel turned around and she looked at me and I asked her if she was OK. Simple question...just making sure she's comfortable with The Joel humping her leg, you know. That was it, we went our separate ways and I started talking to my friends. All of a sudden she starts talking shit about me...WHEN I'M STANDING RIGHT NEXT TO HER!! She called me an asshole and a cockblock...and when Bowl asked her why she said its because I asked her if she was OK dancing with The Joel. It took all my power not to turn around and do something that would put me in jail for an extended period of time (THANKS ANGER MANAGEMENT!!!)
Anyway...WTF?!?! ended up losing the girl and it was after 4am so we had to leave the bar. We weren't too far from my apartment so we started stumbling home. It wasn't too long before we got to Grand Central Station when I noticed that Gracie's friend started to drag something really heavy behind him. When I went over for a closer look I realized that he was dragging a FIRE HYDRANT. You might be sitting home saying...well of course he is!!...not me...i was kind of confused. He and Gracie picked it up and said it was coming home with us. Knowing that arguing wouldn't have changed anything I began hailing cabs. Apparently putting a fire hydrant in the back of a cab isn't as easy as you'd think...it took about 10 hailed cabs for us to find someone that would let us put it in there. We pulled a u-turn on 42nd st and started home. No sooner than we started did he pull over on the other side of 42nd st and say "no no no ... i can't do this". So we were about 10 ft closer to home after 20 min of arguing with cab drivers. BUT WE DID NOT GIVE UP!!! So after making up stories about what we had to put in the back of the drunk ("artwork from soho", dead body, etc.) we finally found someone who didn't look, and didn't care. Got it home, through the lobby, in the elevator, through my apartment and out into the garden where it now proudly sits! Now every time I look at it i'm like...WHAT THE FUCK WERE WE THINKING!! I really want to return it but its not like I can do that very "incognito" you know what i mean. The thing must weigh 250-300lbs...STARTING DEFENSE!!!
And that, my friends, is what a weekend with The Joel is like in NYC.
Saturday, October 15, 2005
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