Semi-Finalist

Where to begin...

I was a semi-finalist in a drag queen contest last night. There...I said it.

We celebrated a co-workers 30th birthday at Lucky Chengs last night (http://www.planetluckychengs.com/). The short short version: its a chinese restaurant that has an entire staff made up of transvestites (some pre-op, some post-op). So half way through dinner they start putting on their show.

"Hazel Nut" began his/her show by singing songs, going around the room talking to people...dancing...straddling someones mother...etc. On a side note, before I got there I thought how funny it would be to bring my family there without telling them what it was. But after seeing someones mom straddled by a tranny I was pretty sure I would never do that to my sweet, wholesome parents. So after some songs, and some very uncomfortable moments we were able to go back to eating without fear of a 6'2" drag queen rubbing up on us.

ADD moment: There was a chick there that must have had triple F tits. They asked her what she did and she said she’s a porn rockstar. She sings in a band called Erocktica….look it up, no joke. Joe, I think you should convert your band to a porn rock band. About 10 minutes later

"Hazel Nut" comes back on the mic and tells about the envelopes they were in the process of handing out. We put money in the envelope and then write someones name on it. If they like what's in the envelope then they'll call your friend to come participate in the "special show". Well our birthday girl got angry and didn't go up...but it didn't matter because they have a some bullshit rule that if you're sitting at a mixed table (girls and guys) then the girl on stage can pick a guy from her table to go up. Guess who got picked... If you were far away or have bad vision you would recognize me as the one that was slamming beers trying to get drunk enough so I wasn’t completely uncomfortable. In the 5 min it took for “Hazel Nut” to explain how the Drag Show was going to work, I slammed two Amstels and shot of Patron. I got a wig and some chick shirt, then went back to my table for my makeup job. I looked ridiculous.

ADD moment: just remembered one of the guys on stage was a choreographer for Eminem and other rappers. Thought that might give Lowden a stiffy.

So we all went back up on stage, and danced around to Madonna or some crap like that. For some reason our waitress, “Heather”, thought I deserved to be in the semi-finals. I told her I really really really didn’t want to be up there anymore. However once I discovered that liquor was the prize, I quickly changed my mind. So me, some guy having a bachelor party and some foreign dude that was having waaaaay too much fun playing drag queen. The restaurant voted who should win best drag queen, and I’m happy to say I lost.

And that my friends is how I ended up as a semi-finalist in a Drag Show.